Assalamu alaykum to all my Muslim sisters and brothers; Welcome to all non-Muslims
No, this isn’t going to be a post delving deeply into my past. I just want to make clear some personality traits I had long before I reverted to Islam. This way no one can accuse me of being brainwashed or indoctrinated into acting this way. (Also, don’t be surprised if this post changes a bit over the next couple of days (though it’s not like I have all that many readers to worry about noticing the changes) I want to keep up with my planned “one post every day for a while” but I don’t know if I’m quite satisfied with what I have written. Maybe some would argue quality over quantity but I have a brain-full of ideas I want to get out!)
First off, I like to cook. This is a personality trait you’ll find in many women and men regardless of religion. So don’t go thinking I cook simply as my duty as wife. I like doing it anyway.
Next, I have wanted kids for a LONG time. Probably since I was at least 14 I knew I wanted to have a big family. So any of my ramblings on family planning and related topics are because I WANT A FAMILY not because I’m being forced to be a “baby factory.” Similarly, long before I was Muslim I was quite alright with the idea of being a housewife/SAHM (stay at home mom.) In fact, I had always hoped I would be able to be this, even with a feminist mother teaching me that I can do anything I wanted. It was hard to convince her that what I really and truly wanted to do was be a wife and mother. Also, I like taking care of people. Growing up, almost all of my friends always said I was very “motherly” and the best caretaker among us. So it really and truly is just in my nature to be that way.
I’ve also always been very averse to conflict. I’ve always been willing to compromise for the sake of harmony. Maybe it’s all my years of work in customer service related jobs. Maybe part of it sprung from the shouting matches in my house growing up. Now, it was by no means a constant thing. It wasn’t even a frequent thing. But from time to time arguments would arise, passions would flare, and decibel levels would rise. My mother and father would argue sometimes; my brother and mother have raised their voices to each other; and oh boy did my sister not get along with our mother sometimes. And I’m sure I raised my voice a few times too, especially in my teenage years. But through this I grew very keen on “keeping peace” by searching for a middle ground or simply agreeing and shutting myself up to end things. Haven’t you ever been in an argument and had “one more thing” you really wanted to say but you just kept it to yourself instead so as not to escalate the situation? Often times the argument can be readdressed later when tempers have cooled. It’s also a learning experience of finding out how best to address (or at least not address) a sensitive topic without rubbing people the wrong way. I’ve even “won” a handful of arguments by allowing the other person to “win” first.
And finally, I have always believed in God and wanted a close relationship with Him.
These are personality traits I developed before I even started to study Islam. Some of these traits may have been enhance or honed by Islam and maybe even having some of these traits are what drew me Islam. I just want to make it clear I have not been religiously indoctrinated to think and feel certain ways.